Save Your Love
by Radiorox
Summary: Even nine years apart can't destroy a love that was meant to be. - Continuation of "To Be Us" and "I'll Be Alright" - an attempt to fix NCIS: LA. **COMPLETE**
1. Chapter 1

Well, so have we all recovered from the NCIS bull shit that was Harm and Mac? Yes? No?

So this story was nagging at me... I am using the term "story" very lightly as I am not sure where or if it's gonna go but... I can't leave it alone.

Not sure if we'll see Harm and Mac grace our screens again, part of me hopes that they are miserable for the rest of their lives for being so stupid.

So... this is is a continuation of "To Be Us" (You can read that one first although you kinda don't need to...) and "I'll Be Alright" before that.

I am not sure where it's going but, it's a start to fix our Romeo and Juliet before they die heartbroken and alone...

So the title comes from Great White's power ballad of the same name. Always loved this song... aww damn those 80s power ballads. Sorry music like that just doesn't happen anymore. ;) So damned good.

Anyhoo here we go...

**Title: Save Your Love  
Author: Radiorox**

**Rating: T (For now, maybe turning M.)**

_"How could I belong to someone else,_  
_When holdin' you feels so right?_  
_And here in my heart_  
_Where no one else will ever be_  
_We've made it so far,_  
_So lock the door and throw away the key_

_Save all your love_  
_Save all your love for me_  
_When I'm alone at night,_  
_You're all I see"_

_-Great White "Save Your Love"_

"Shit." Her hands were shaking uncontrollably, the Marine facade that she managed to hold together during dinner crumbled imperceptibly. It took her a few tries to get the key card to work and once inside the posh hotel suite, Mac pressed her back into the door and then slid down against it. She gathered her legs into her chest and curled up into a ball.

Her heart was hammering roughly against her chest so that she could hear it drumming away in her ears. 'I'm not asking you to be with me.' Words, hers kept echoing in her mind as did the look in his eyes - that Rabb-In-The-Headlights expression she'd grown accustomed to through the years. She'd just gone on and on, babbling away with a perfected control that was almost icy in nature. And he just took it, never fought just like he hadn't sixteen years ago when she threw a verbal grenade at him - Never.

Mac put her face in her hands and cried, it was impossible to hold her strength any longer and in the sanctity of her hotel room, she needed to let go before the anguish consumed her. She'd done it again, hadn't she? Reduced a good man to nothing because she could because… because… "Oh God."

And he just stood there and took it, no argument, no fight. Just like the two years they spent together after he left JAG to follow her to San Diego. Oh, they fought from time to time, but not about them, not really. In fact, they hadn't even discussed the past, the faux pas, the reasons why they never connected until they each had a foot out of the door. His proposal was a last ditch effort from a desperate man and she went along because he was always what she wanted. Losing Grace hadn't helped them either, merely added to the heavy emotional baggage that threaten to break them until it did.

After their conversation, as they sat down for a "family" dinner with the NCIS crew, the group had purposely given him the seat next to her. She could feel the heat radiating off of Harm, his own tempered desire for her that manifested when he'd "accidentally" brushed a hand over her thigh. She had turned to look at him then and sank into those blue eyes, their change in colour speaking more than his words ever did.

Throughout the meal, she had held steadfast, avoiding personal conversation, avoiding those eyes until Callen had asked how long they'd been together and then she crumbled. The man knew something, hell, she figured the crew all did and this was Hetty's last ditch attempt to reunite them. "I think there are more interesting topics of conversation than a failed relationship between two military officers...If you'll excuse me, I have to check in with Washington." And then she never returned.

Mac glanced down at her hands, specifically the left one where an engagement ring was once proudly displayed. It was gone now, replaced by her Marine Corps ring, the only relationship that seemed to last forever. She bit her lower lip as their conversation replayed in her mind - it was all one sided - she never allowed him to get a word in, not really.

'Because we're scared.' It was the only logical explanation as to why things ended as they did, why they chose to give up. And the one thing she was really afraid of happened anyway - losing him. Mac had always accused Harm of not letting go, of holding back and yet, she did the same out of fear of what losing him would do to her. So, no, she never gave it her all, stubbornly refusing to love him without restrictions.

She believed he would eventually tire of her ways, of the fractured woman that the years had made her into that couldn't hide behind a Marine Corps uniform when at home. One day he would see her mistakes and just go, leaving the barren and broken woman. She was afraid of herself, of the woman that could never make a damned relationship work. She was terrified of loving him completely and having it all end.

Only it wasn't as double sided as she would have liked to believe - he wasn't the one afraid this time - Harm had finally let go and been everything she needed… she on the other hand…

The moment he went back to a carrier, she felt her life shift - memories of a time, years ago when he went back to fly began to haunt her day and night. Memories of another time, of a flight that nearly killed him made her irrational and yet, she never voiced her concern, never stopped him. She just let him go.

She let him go until the distance between them doubled and stretched.

Harm was right when he said that she loved Washington, their mutual friends were still there - Bud and Harriet, the only real family she'd ever known in her life. Bud was a step away from becoming Judge Advocate and Harriet had taken on a role in Mac's own office as an assistant. They'd been the only two people that had helped her maintain her sanity as the years apart were tensile.

When they split it was amicable, no arguments, no animosity just acceptance that, though they loved each other, a relationship just wasn't going to make it. She figured that at one point they would figure it out, come together again but, as each year passed, so did her hope. It was better just not to believe in fate anymore - it had proven itself unworthy.

What was worse is that her love life had hung in limbo. Oh, she had been semi-serious with a child neurosurgeon until they both realized she hadn't fully let her ex go. Harm had ruined her for other men, made her feel things in his arms that were imperceptible. She accused him of never being able to let go but, when the man did it was… Mac's breath caught at the memory of their first time and every other time between them.

They moved like they'd always been lovers. Each touch a brand of possession that could never be erased. It was a communication of sorts, a conversation without speaking that made more sense than anything they'd tried to tell each other with actual words.

The inception of their relationship was wonderful, albeit mundane as they settled into that normalcy of day to day life. She loved that too, enjoyed the small talk over coffee and his omelettes - the domesticity. She loved the family they tried to create with Mattie. But why wasn't it enough?

Mac felt the door pushing against her back, shoving really as she noticed it was moving. She stood up quickly, balling her hands into fists, ready for a fight when Harm stepped into her room. They dumbly stared at each other until she cleared her throat and nearly laughed at the unfairness of it all. "Why are you here?"

"I would ask you the same. You're in my room, Mac." He held up his phone, showing her the screen and the room number that matched her own.

"Damnit." She sighed, there could only be one reason. "Hetty… She just doesn't let up." Mac tossed her hands up in the air and stepped farther into the room, kicking her heels off as she did so. She took off her jacket and tossed it onto the bed and then spun on him. "Why are you here, Harm?"

He held up his phone and shook at her. "I didn't know this was your room." Only he did and his impish grin belied his words.

"Cut the bullshit, I can see right through it." She'd learned to read him from the many years of opposition, sadly, that hadn't helped there relationship.

Harm shoved the phone into his jeans pocket and brought his arms across his chest. It was a sign of defense and with her, he needed all of the shields that he could find. "I came to see you, to talk to you."

"You left your ship just to talk to me? A ship to shore could have done that… why now?"

Why? Because he thought he'd buried his past with her, or at least enough of it to continue living with a constant state of regret. When Hetty had mentioned Mac, it all came rushing back to him to the point it was impossible to hide. "Seeing you on that screen, everything came flooding back… I had to see you face to face, this was the best shot I had."

Mac shook her head at him. "You know where I work, it's not like you couldn't come to Washington to find me."

"You were right when you said we're both scared… In fact, I'm terrified now and have been since.."

"Look, I have an early flight, I can't do this now." She grabbed her jacket and slipped back into her heels intent on getting away from him. "You can stay here, I'll find my own room."

When she made to walk past him, Harm reached out, his hand taking a firm hold of her forearm. "Running away again? Still Keeping your options open?"

His comment made Mac roll her eyes. "You're one to talk..Not letting go. Still playing Peter Pan?"

"They needed me, I was called back and as I recall, you didn't exactly seem to give a shit."

"I what?" She forced her forearm out of his hold and took a few steps back as if he'd slapped her. Is that what he thought, that she didn't care that the man she loved was leaving?

Harm took two steps towards her, coming in as close as he dared. His chest was heaving from the emotions he tried to temper. "You never asked me to stay. Never told me not to go... I would have stayed for you."

Mac knew that part of the equation that he'd put in her court like a loaded grenade. And he'd been correct - she hadn't asked him to stay although it killed her to watch him go.

"You would have resented me if I did… hated me!" She yelled, punctuating her words with painful jabs against his chest with her index finger. "I wasn't going down that road with you...I'm not one of your needy ex girlfriends… If you haven't noticed, I handled things fine on my own."

He stood there, rooted in place, stoically taking the jabs both verbal and otherwise. They rarely fought as a couple at least, not when it came to matters of the heart. And maybe that had been there problem? The man of action that allowed things to move out of his control. He hadn't fought her because he was scared of losing her and did all the same. "Mac."

"The stupid coin toss was your idea and we made a pact that no matter what happened, we'd abide by it or did you forget that?"

Harm hadn't forgotten and wished he could go back in time and figure things out like rational adults not treat their engagement so carelessly. "And you didn't abide by it."

"I won the damned coin toss and we went to San Diego! You agreed to it, you told me you wanted to go."

"I did and then, five minutes later you're taking a job in Washington and leaving California!" He yelled at her stepping even closer when she stepped away. There was a certain look in her eyes then, one of fear and hurt that made him relent. He took a few steps back again and cast his eyes downwards, ashamed of losing his temper with her. "Were you so miserable with me?"

Mac shook her head. "No...I loved every moment that we were together when we were together…Which right off the bat wasn't nearly enough."

"Because you left."

"And you could have followed…Our friends were in Washington."

"My family is in california."

"Which you never saw… Hell, if I didn't push you to see Trish you wouldn't, even with them being up the road."

Harm nodded, unable to find a fault in that particular argument. He'd been too busy playing the flyboy when the prospect of joining a carrier group was placed in his path. It was meant to be a favour, a one time thing that then set him to Surface Warfare school and every other hurdle he needed to jump to become XO. Sadly, he thought back to a time, long ago - a rose garden and the beautiful Marine that would claw her way into his heart.

He hadn't wanted to fall for her, tried everything to stave the feelings she'd awakened. And yet, Mac became his, even when they weren't together, she was his and always would be.

"Maybe we aren't supposed to be together?" She voiced a concern that had been tearing at her for years, a belief that made sense because how could two people that love so much be kept apart for so long?

"You can't mean that." His voice cracked.

"Nine years, no contact… at all, save for an email or two?… If we're supposed to be together that's not the way." Harm could only stare at her with a sad expression which mirrored the last time they'd seen each other. He'd been sad then too, devastated just as she had been only Mac had made some sort of peace with the dissolution of their engagement and the life that never would be. "I love you, I always have and I always will but, sometimes…" She trailed off and sighed. "Maybe, for us, love isn't enough."

"Mac… no."

"Maybe this is the closure we needed to be free to live our lives without wondering… I'm tired of the heart ache… tired of things not working out with anyone else because of you." She was rambling again, speaking quickly so that he could barely get words in. Mac didn't want him to, she was adamant on him not changing her mind.

"Mac…"

When he tried to reach for her, Mac waved him off and planned her exit strategy, it was now or never. "No, Harm. We're through and have been for over nine years… It's time we really need to realize it and move on.. Cause I can't keep on like this and it's not..."

"Sarah! Shut up." And then he grabbed her, pulling Mac roughly into his embrace and not letting go. He kissed her hard, passionate and unrelenting even when she tried to pull out of his arms. Steadfast, he continued his assault until he felt her give up the fight with a sigh of acceptance. He softened his musings then, kissing her fully when her tongue teased the seam of his mouth open. Her hands that were once pushing against his chest, circled his neck and held on.

Every memory of their past love come rushing at Mac with a stark awareness that this man was it for her and always would be. It was as if time stood still fourteen years prior when they kissed with such passion in his apartment and Harm had first declared his love for her. She held onto him when her head spun from the lack of oxygen and the punishing way their lips met. A warm heat pooled between her thighs as her body longed for his.

She felt him backing her towards the bed and his hands had somehow removed her jacket and were no working on the zipper of the skirt she wore. "I don't want to move on." He said then, stopping his kisses only to rest his forehead against hers. "I came here for you, Mac."

The breath she was holding rushed out of her lungs and without his mouth on hers, her mind had a moment of clarity. They shouldn't do this, it wouldn't fix things. "I ah.."

"Do you love me? Really love me?" He asked when he sensed her hesitation.

"With all my heart." Mac admitted and for her honesty, a single tear rolled down her cheek. "I never stopped loving you. I can't."

"Good." And then he was kissing her again as his fingers finished unzipping her skirt and then pushed it down her hips. "You're it for me, Mac… Always have been." Seeing her again, he realized how in love he still was. "I want you."

"Yes." She spoke against his lips and then raised her arms up so he could remove her blouse.

They moved as they had in the past, albeit a little slower which only caused their lovemaking to be that much better. His hands still recalled every inch of her skin and Harm marveled on her newer curves, the defined muscles of her legs from endless pilates classes. To Mac, Harm seemed to have filled out more. He was bulkier, stronger and as she ran her hands over his arms, she felt all of the muscles bunch and tense. It wasn't exactly gentle and neither of them wanted it to be as an animalistic urge to join each other became paramount.

Hours later, they lay side by side exhausted, sated and once again in love. "Where you goin'?" Mac asked when Harm suddenly jumped out of bed and went in search of his jeans that lay haphazardly on the ground with the rest of their clothing. "Harm? What?"

He had pressed something cool and mentalic into her hand with rough edges and upon inspection, Mac found herself glancing down at his goldwings. Her eyes met his and she felt the Earth seemingly shift beneath her. Harm was doing it again, giving up his all for her… for her. Because he loved her, because he wanted to be with her. "Mac?"

She shook her head and placed the goldwings in his palm and then wrapped his fist around them. "It's my turn." Mac stated, removing her Marine Corps ring and holding it up to him between her index finger and thumb.


	2. Chapter 2

So I kinda put this one on hold on purpose because I was seriously hoping to see Harm and Mac back on NCIS or at least a mention of one or the other getting back together. A pipe dream, I know which I can't honestly see happening at this point. I know there are rumors but, then rumors is what had us glued to JAG day in day out despite the last two seasons being so awful.

We lived for that carrot being dangled for us. So, this is the continuation.

Please read the previous two stories if you haven't

**I'll Be Alright** \- Is why they broke up.

**To Be Us** \- Is what happened in the 9 years they were apart.

Not entirely sure how long each chapter here will be.. I normally like to write long ones but, the previous two stories had pretty quick chapters which is how I wrote them so fast so I may go with that platform… we'll see where it goes. I have a few ideas and maybe a fourth story?

Some angst here but, gonna be a lot less angsty - rekindling a romance has its ups and downs and with these two idiots… *sigh* you get it.

:) Enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

Three months was entirely too long to wait despite the nine years they spent apart. They'd spoken over the phone as much as possible, emailed almost everyday and chatted over messaging software. They traded 'I love yous' and 'I miss yous' but nothing could stop that feeling of apprehension. Much like that shot gun way he'd asked her to marry him, this too was recklessly sudden and Harm was nervous.

Today began a new chapter of his life...no _their_ lives and it was terrifying. What if this was all for not? What if they failed each other again? What if their short lived happiness was all _this_ was meant to be. He loved her, so damned much but, that wasn't enough to keep her. They were older now, a little wiser and the almost ten years they'd spent apart Harm never stopped loving her. He tried dating, even had an _uncomplicated_ relationship which only served to sooth that pent up sexual frustration but, she wasn't Mac. And every time he left that woman's bed he felt empty.

Harm held his breath once the passengers began to spill out from the terminal. Mac's plane had arrived late and it gave him entirely too much time to stew. He had an irrational fear that she didn't make the flight, that she came to her senses and let him go. It would crush him if she did but, then, he'd let her down enough times to understand her reasoning.

He spotted her almost instantly, wearing loose fitting jeans and a simple t-shirt. Her hair was a bit shorter than the last time he'd seen her and she was absolutely lovely. Nervously, he glanced down at his hand and the single, long stemmed red rose he held which didn't seem adequate enough for her. The idea not to bring her a dozen or two was merely because he knew Mac well enough she didn't appreciate the ostentatious presentations and a single rose would be enough. At least, it used to be.

What if she changed so much that the little things she once enjoyed didn't matter anymore? What if he couldn't make her happy? The closer she came, the more his stomach tied into knots. They seemed to be on the same page for once, daring to sacrifice everything for one another but, what if they crashed and burned again?

She was moving to San Diego _for him._ Told him it was her turn to sacrifice, _for them._ Only she didn't know that a few weeks ago ended his final tour. He was tired of the sea and the lonely nights despite being stuck on a ship with thousands. He wanted a home and he needed it to be with her, no one else would do.

All of his trepidation vanished once she caught sight of him. Their eyes locked and the soft smile she'd been sporting while walking through the terminal spread into the most dazzling kind of merriment. How was it that the woman still looked this good? Mac had aged like a fine wine or an expensive bottle of mineral water, in her case. He chuckled at the distinction.

Mac brought her rolling luggage to a stop and before she had a chance to exchange pleasantries, Harm had pulled her into his arms. He kissed her lovingly and maybe a bit too passionately for the airport. She needed that now because her own waves of nervous trepidation almost made her miss the flight. Seeing him now eased it somewhat especially when they broke their kiss and Harm simply held her. "Hi."

"Hi." He held out the rose for her and his cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. "I should have bought you a dozen but…"

Mac took the rose and immediately brought it to her nose taking a whiff. "No, it's lovely."

"Is that all you have?" He motioned at her rolling luggage. "Do we need to pick up anything else?"

"No. Movers should be here in about a week. I have enough in there to last two weeks." Of course she did, the woman had learned the art of rolling her clothing and could probably pack two months worth of luggage into a purse. It was a Marine thing.

Harm took her suitcase with one hand and threaded her hand with his other. "Let's get out of here."

They drove through the streets of San Diego in a comfortable silence holding hands when he didn't need both to drive. Her fingers caressed his skin and she noticed his racing pulse and a profuse sweating. "Your heart is racing."

"So is yours." He stated simply and grinned at her knowingly. "I'm terrified."

"I am too. This doesn't feel as sudden as before but… it's still… _sudden_." And in the past month she had a lot of decisions to make and important work to wrap up. The weeks had passed by both too quickly and too slowly.

* * *

She remembered when she gave everything up, laying in bed after they'd made love. Harm had pressed his goldwings into her palm and she felt the Earth spin off its axis at the moment. There was no flip of the coin, no back and forth to figure out who would give up their Military career. He knew what he wanted, she'd seen it in his eyes, the acceptance, the love.

Harm didn't have to be there, his mission began and ended on the carrier but he'd joined Callen and Hanna anyway to see _her._ Because he loved her and seeing her on a screen a zillion miles away had opened his heart and he couldn't be without her anymore. But, then she'd surprised him, pressing the wings back into his palm and slipping off her USMC ring. She held it up between her index finger and thumb. "It's my turn."

"No, Mac...You have a helluva career. I'm just keeping sailors in line and occasionally getting up in Hornet… It's not worth it anymore." As much as he loved the sea, he'd grown weary of it, lonely. "You're worth it."

"No." She didn't want him to give it up, it wasn't fair the first time when a stupid coin toss defined their futures. "I want to do this. I love my job but, it's all I have….this isn't a way to live, not anymore." Mac insisted he take her ring, she'd even unhooked his dog tags and slipped the circle amongst the metal tabs. "I love you, Harm. I'll always love you...We've been apart too damned long."

"You're sure about this?"

Was she? No. But, for all of her bravado and the onslaught of words she'd spewed hours earlier Mac was still very much a woman in love with this man. "No but, I think we should try."

* * *

At least, this wasn't as sudden as before. "That's not why I'm nervous."

"It's not?"

Harm shook his head. "No… I have a surprise for you. I know you generally don't like them too much but, just give me a chance, okay?"

And that only terrified her more but, she trusted him. No matter what happened Mac always trusted him with her life - her heart was a different matter. She squeezed his hand reassuringly and took a breath. He was right, surprises weren't her favorite things. "Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

Mac wondered where he was going as Harm weaved his SUV through a route that seemed a little too familiar. There had been changes to the streets, more trees, a few new establishments but, the roads were still the same. The hold on her hand tightened and although Harm was not the kind to have sweaty palms, they were downright clammy when the car came to a stop in front of a house.

Not just any house - _their _house, the one they moved into almost fifteen years ago. "Harm?" She came out of the car slowly when he opened the door for her and could only stare at the structure. It looked almost new. The fixer upper they'd bought so that Harm could entertain himself repairing and making it their own was finally complete. Five years in the home and he'd never really done much as the second he'd rejoined a carrier group his honey-do list the home was no longer a priority.

It was much more than that, she knew. Their shared grief of losing a child had added to the problems they couldn't circumvent. Selling the house had been an amicable decision - much as ending their engagement and relationship. Amicable, neither of them fought, just accepted that fate had let them down.

Harm threaded his hand through hers and pulled her up the steps - the finished steps where they'd decided it was time to end things. She remembered coming home to find him hammering the rotted wood, scraping it and decided doing things the hard was hurting both of them. Now, the steps were beautifully crafted, sturdy and no longer made that rickety sound when someone stepped on the planks. "I bought it back a few years ago. I drove by one day and it was back on the market." The next couple to live there hadn't had much luck repairing it either. "I've spent the last five years fixing it up for real this time… even added that crown molding you wanted."

When she stepped into the living room Mac found that, indeed, he had added the molding and other touches which made the home so cozy. The fireplace had been redone out of heavy stones, rising up to the ceiling. There were new window treatments, new furnishings and one of the most inviting chairs with an ottoman - the kind she'd always wanted to buy and use for reading.

The kitchen too had been re-done, modern appliances lined the walls along with a new pantry and granite counter tops. From the french door which led to the back yard she could see that even the decking around the pool had been redone and over the patio was a pergola covered in vines with pretty purple flowers on its ends.

Much care had been taken with every room and every space and Harm silently watched as Mac moved within the home, giving her enough space to look without smothering her. She hadn't said a word and when she looked up the stairs, he knew where she was going. The most difficult room to re purpose was that of their unborn daughter. It had been hell to bring down her things, to put them away and eventually donate them for someone less fortunate. To be honest, it killed him because Harm knew it had been his fault as much as hers for waiting too long. Why five years when he knew that moment on the steps of JAG Headquarters that he loved her?

But, instead of heading into the former nursery, she went into their bedroom, the ample master where a new sleigh style bed which faced wider windows. It was bigger than the bed that was once there, robust looking and so inviting. The spare bedroom which was once Mattie's was turned into a gym with several pieces of workout equipment and a queen size Murphy bed embedded into the far wall.

Mac's hand shook as she opened the closed door that was once the nursery. She closed her eyes tightly as a fresh wave of pain crashed over her and ebbed. She recalled the light pink with white polka dots that Harm had painted on himself, the care he took into building every last piece of furniture. She also remembered when he took it all down, taking out piece by piece leaving the room bare with only the white walls and bunnies as a memory.

"It's okay, Sarah." He said softly, placing his hand over hers which still held the door knob. Harm helped her turn it and let the door swing open. The room was an office now, once side with a heavy USMC flag attached to the wall, the other all Navy. A his and hers kind of office and at the rear, around the closet door was a shelving system covered in all sorts of books. The floors had been redone there was well, sanded, stained and clear coated, Mac could still smell the fresh paint. The one reminder of their daughter was the stuffed plane which sat on his desk and a framed photo of her ultrasound on Mac's desk.

Mac sighed, took that photo and held it up, running her hand gingerly over the image. "I thought a baby would fix things, you know? It's a stupid thing females do to keep a man and I fell into that trap. I didn't realize the problem was that you and I never learned to communicate."

"It hurt me too. I just needed to be strong for you… I thought that's what you needed." Strong to the point that he came off a little uncaring when he was dying inside. "You're right, we didn't communicate."

She placed the frame back on the desk and turned to face him, smiling when he shifted side to side nervously. "Everything is perfect."

"Perfect?"

Her fingers moved down his arm down to his hand, threading through his. Mac gave him a tug and led them out of their joint office and down the hall to their bedroom. "Three months is a long, long time." She cooed and pushed him onto the bed.

"Welcome home, Sarah." Harm said and pulled her down onto him, his mouth quickly finding hers.


	4. Chapter 4

Hope you guys like this chapter. I think its pretty awesome...Older HM here should be a little sensible.

Thank you for the reviews!!

**Chapter 4**

Mac woke up to an empty bed and a room that was familiarly different. She reached over to find the sheets still warm and the sounds of running water coming from the bathroom altered her to Harm's location. It made her let out the breath she unconsciously held; everything would be right this time, it had to because she couldn't take losing him again.

He'd been patient and slow earlier, building an intensity she'd never experienced with him before. It wasn't the desperate union from one month prior, more like a discussion between old soulmates. Harm's large hands moved over her skin like he was remembering her body much like her own hands found wonderment in the hard planes of his.

They burned for each other, ached and at some point they both fell asleep wrapped up together. Mac was sure it was never that good before.

She sighed and glanced at the ceiling silently praying that her decision wasn't a mistake. While not as reckless as that atupid coin toss, Mac barely gave notice as to her intent to serve the remainder of her years as an active reservist.

"Did I wake you?" Harm's voice was still a little thick from sleep, the rough sound making her body tingle.

"No, the empty bed did."

"Sorry. Really needed to use the head." He slipped under the sheets and into Mac's waiting arms, kissing her soundly and then pulling her body to cover his. "You know...I saw someone for a while… nothing serious." He felt the need to clarify when Mac shifted in his arms.

"Casual sex?" She hated that someone else had been with him but then, Mac was seeing someone too and had become serious enough that he'd proposed.

"No. More for comfort, I needed someone and so did she. I was...lonely...I guess and Susan got out of a horrible marriage to an abusive bastard. We hit it off, she didn't want or need anything permanent...I...I would have tried...Maybe been happy, I don't know….So yeah, I guess it was casual."

Mac grinned. As much as it pained her, she too had found someone. "Max wanted to marry me, he would have given up a plush job in Boston for me. He was sweet and wonderful, patient and understanding that I was not over you...Too patient...I just...I couldn't."

"Did he make you happy?"

"Yeah, he did. And he was willing to take on my baggage, all of it and move us to Boston or stay in Washington if I agreed to marry him. I couldn't. For me it felt too soon."

"How long were you together?"

"About two years."

"Oh." Harm didn't know what to make of that or the stark jealousy he felt even though Mac was in his arms now. "Max was a pediatric neurosurgeon."

His tone of voice made Mac shift and raise her head up to look at him. "You fly jets off of carriers."

Harm frowned, his job didn't sound so wonderful anymore. He was protecting freedom while he ex was saving children's lives. "Mmm...Is it okay for me to tell you that I hate him?"

His sheepish grin was contagious. "Is it okay for me to tell you I hate Susan?" She laughed when he rolled them over so that they lay side by side. It was easier for him to kiss her that way.

"You know..." Harm spoke between kisses to her lips, cheeks, forehead, nose. "You never told me if you wanna keep this house. If you don't feel comfortable, I still have my apartment, we can move there and…"

Mac stopped him with a kiss of her own. "How long did you work on it?" Most of the work had been done on his own, she knew. And it had to have taken him forever.

"Five years on and off. Last month, I had to hire a contractor to finish the kitchen and some other things while I worked on the office." And that was the room he was most concerned about. "Is it okay for you...It was her room…" It would belong to the daughter that was never born. "Do you think about her?"

The miscarriage had been a blow to there already unstable relationship, she felt no longer woman enough for him and Harm's need to be a protector came off as uncaring although he was dying inside. "I think about her sometimes." He admitted. "She would have been 13 and beautiful and I'd keep the shotgun by the door."

"Yeah I do. Not as much in the last few years but, sometimes...I was told there's no timeline on grief." She knew what happened was no one's fault but, at times it hurt more than Mac wanted to dwell on. "The office is lovely, Harm. A little too much USN paraphernalia but, that's fixable."

"So...You're good living here?"

Mac nodded enthusiastically. "I mean, after christening the bed, I guess we have to." She draped a leg over his hip and seductively ran a finger down his chest, enjoying the harder muscles. "You've bulked up."

"Months stuck on a ship. I work out my frustrations by hitting the weights. I'll lean out some on land since I can run more...Running on the ship I feel like a hamster on a wheel." Back home he could run on the beach or hike the various parks and trails. "I miss this." He said suddenly and then dropped another kiss on her lips. "Just laying next to you...talking."

At the inception of their engagement it was common to lay next to each other and discuss this or that, mundane to important subjects. Somehow, that slowed down and stopped altogether. If Mac had to label their breakup, the perfect term would be 'taken for granted'. They simply didn't know what they had until it was gone. Given what happened after Paraguay, they should have known better, should have seen it coming - the indifference - the lack of fight.

"We need to do this more."

Harm raised a brow. "Lovemaking or the talking?"

Men. She rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Both are a form of conversation. One is a little more exciting than the other but…" She bit her lip and all of that sassy flirtation went away to be replaced by apprehension. "This is for real this time, right? Forever? I won't survive if you break my heart again."

He caught the tear that slipped from her eye with his thumb and let out a slow breath. Harm had the same fear, banking his heart and his life for something that wouldn't last. "Sarah, I can't take a broken heart either...So yes, this is forever if you want it...all of it."

"I do want it. All of it, with you...I love you, Harm...always."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Mac stood by the stove, a spatula in her hand testing the edges of the egg mixture that would eventually become an omelette. She layered one side with spinach, tomatoes and feta cheese to then fold over allowing the mixture to settle. The soft smile that stretched across her lips widened when two strong arms wrapped around her waist and a gentle kiss was pressed against her neck. "Morning."

"Good morning beautiful. I thought I was making breakfast?" Harm's voice was delightfully thick from sleep and he still added a slow drawl when he spoke that made her skin tingle. He would've likely bought something for breakfast given he wasn't sure if Mac would want to move in and opted not to put any food in the fridge unless she agreed.

"Well, I was hungry, the fridge only has a few bottles of water and a box of baking soda." She sighed when his kisses slowly came down brushing over her collar bone. "So a quick trip to the store was in order. Got everything for omelettes."

Harm's hands moved over her arms and when he tried to take away the spatula, Mac turned in his embrace. "What?"

"Scoot, will ya? Your proximity to my person is gonna make me burn the eggs and these will turn out spectacular."

He raised his hands up in surrender and instead began searching through the cupboards for plates and coffee cups - a matching set his mother bought once she found out he'd owned the home again. They were entirely too refined but, eventually they could buy sets that were more suited for them. He longed to see her USMC mug sitting next to his USN one in the cupboard. In the last few years Harm found himself missing those little, couple things: her towel next to his, a bra hanging behind various door knobs, a closet of mixed clothing, her scent on some of his.

"Is something wrong?"

Harm had the audacity to blush at getting caught in his daydream and the concern in Mac's eyes vanished when he reached out and pulled her into his embrace. "Nothing wrong. Everything is very much right." He kissed her slowly, deeply and sighed when she relaxed into him sharing the kiss with equal fervor.

She platted the food and he poured the coffee and they sat side by side in the bench section of the small table attached to the kitchen. "This is excellent." He was surprised how good her cooking had become, a simple egg dish but the complex flavours excited his taste buds.

"We need to both take over cooking duties this time." Mac leaned in, nudging his shoulder with her own. "I can cook you know and getting older, I guess I cook a little healthier."

"Fifty fifty?." His hand came up and pressed against her cheek. They discussed that the last time they lived together, that they'd be partners, two halves of a whole and yet, some things fell through. "I can deal with that but, I'm making dinner tonight."

"Dinner at the beach?" She missed the ocean, the sea and the sun. Mac loved Washington, it was the home she knew for so long but, there was just something magical about California. Maybe it was just the man who she was with? "We can watch the sunset."

"You tryna turn me into a romantic, MacKenzie?"

Mac leaned into him, her lips stopping just an inch away from his. "I am… is it working?"

"No but, I'm willing to work on it." He moved away before she kissed him and stood. "C'mon Mac, I have one more thing to show you." Harm took her hand and led her through the back door. "The pool is the same, the other owners had it refinished but…" He opened the door and let her step outside first to the porch that was redone with stamped concrete in intricate patterns and covered by a pagoda taken over by vines.

"This is nice." And there was another addition against the back fence. A row of different coloured rose bushes with all of their flowers in bloom. There were yellows, reds and pinks with a little room for a few more. "Harm, roses?"

"Simple. We met in a rose garden."


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for the reviews! DOC! Glad to see you're back, please start writing again. YES, NCIS was a total train wreck. I confess, I can't enjoy watching the show anymore due to it. It just leaves me very angry so FanFiction only it is.

I rather like this adult version of Harm and Mac and I think they sound plausible. I think there may be 10 total chapters and we're wrapping up this saga although, I have ideas for a follow up… maybe… ;)

Sorry Joan!

**Chapter 6**

Mac had forgotten how much he liked touching her. A press to the small of her back here. A gentle stroke down her arm there. Massaging her feet when they sat on opposite ends of the sofa. The soft caresses before bedtime that often led to something more.

Lately, even when they were simply sitting together for breakfast, Harm's fingers would thread through hers.

She'd first noticed it a week after moving in. It was cute, a sign of how much he missed her when the words faltered. It was a little thrilling, his silent form of adoration.

"I like when you do that." He said while holding himself up with folded arms at the deep end of the pool.

Mac caught him looking when she took her sunglasses off to finish reading the last chapters of a spy novel. Despite having a Kindle, she still prefered paperbacks. There was something about the scent of paper and ink, the rough pages beneath her fingers that was comforting. At his words, she cocked up a characteristic eyebrow and glanced at her grinning boyfriend.

Oh, it was _that_ sort of grin, mischievous and sexy which made the butterflies flutter in her tummy. "When I do what? Read?" She grinned back and unconsciously licked her lips as Harm fluidly pulled himself out of the water and plopped into the lounger beside her.

Damn, he really did look good for his age. Other women noticed him as well although her insecurities about those sorts of things was replaced with amusement. The Rabb charm was still alive and well. Harm on the other hand was still jealous when other men stared just a little less verbal about it. He would scowl and pull her closer, a sign that he was claiming his territory. She could only sigh, roll her eyes and shake her head.

"That eyebrow thing you do." Casually he reached across and tucked a stray hair behind her ear and then let his fingers drop down her arm.

"What eyebrow thing?"

Oh she just didn't know how the most simplest of gestures enticed him. "When you are curious, studious or annoyed, your eyebrow raises up. Just one…. Like you're doing now." His finger ran over that brow and he laughed as she swatted his arm away. "What? It's cute."

"Harm?" A familiar voice called out from the side of the house which was secured by a wooden gate that he'd left open. It made them both pop out of the chairs but it was Harm who hurried after the voice.

Mattie came around the home, her eyes wide as saucers as she glanced at the renovated home. She hated that they had sold it because it truly marked the end of them. Why her adoptive father decided to purchase it again was anyone's guess and she felt a pang of sadness as the good memories flowed through. He helped her recover in that pool and many afternoons the three of them sat on the back porch having dinner and talking. Harm and Mac had been all of the family she could hope for and Mattie had been very vocal in her displeasure for their demise.

"Oh my God, it looks brand new." She stated, falling into Harm's embrace despite the droplets of water still clinging to him. "I know you don't want to hear this but, you need to call her… Call Mac. Send her pictures, whatever I…"

"Hey Mats." Mac hadn't exactly been hiding but, the younger woman hadn't noticed her right away. Once she did, Mattie stared between both Harm and Mac, a look of shock turning to one of happiness as she raced towards her adoptive mother and threw her arms around her. "Woah, kiddo."

"Is this real? I'm not dreaming this am I?"

Mac shook her head. "No...It's real. We've been working it out… I decided to move back here." She brushed the tears away from Mattie's eyes and also a few of her own. "We're gonna be okay this time."

Mattie thought so too.

As she went inside to grab a few bottles of water, Mac stared out the kitchen window at father and daughter. He was splashing Mattie and she was admonishing him by tossing an inflatable hamburger at his head. She smiled, recalling so many years earlier when the scene was similar with Harm using the pool to help a teenaged Mattie regain mobility. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. All was fine and well for the moment but the true test would come in a few months once he deployed again.

If there was one thing they were good at was their partnership - things just went well when they worked together. It was the lengthy absence, like his departure to a carrier years prior when Harm tried to come full circle as a pilot that drove that wedge between them. Then came her assignment on the LHA and his involvement with The Brotherhood. It was too much time spent apart when all they needed was to stick together. Distance did not make the heart grow fonder and she couldn't, wouldn't live through another heartache.

She pressed a hand against her chest feeling for the chain of her dog tags which still held the engagement ring he'd once given her. Mac hadn't shared that little secret with him or that part of her issues with the neurosurgeon was the simple diamond ring that she couldn't quite part with. It should have been returned to him, of course, but he'd once said it belonged to her. As didn't need to marry him but, there was a part that wished he'd ask.

"You okay?" She jumped when Harm made himself known. Lost in her thoughts, Mac hadn't realized he'd stepped inside and gone looking for her. And then he was touching her again, wrapping his strong arms around her middle to hug her body against his.

Mac sighed. God how she missed him. "I'm okay. Just daydreaming, I guess."

"Anything interesting?"

She hesitated for a moment and then pulled the chain out of the t-shirt she wore and held it up so he could see the circle dangling from it. "I'm not begging or asking. I don't need to be married to you." Mac felt his arms stiffen and then relax and she wondered if somehow she'd placed a live grenade in his hands. Maybe this was why they hadn't worked out? A man like Harm couldn't be tied down and although he'd never be unfaithful, marriage was a lifelong commitment, something he'd always shied away from.

Harm's palm wrapped around the dangling ring and he stared at the heirloom quizzically. She was right, it belonged with her for all time, no one would ever be worthy enough for it. "I love you."

"I know."

"No, I mean. I _really really_ love you, Mac."

"And I _really really _love you, too, Harm." She grinned. Their game of one upmanship would be eternal along with the bantering. It was a part of their unique dynamic. "I'm not asking for a commitment."

That made him relax, at least for a moment and he let the ring settle against her chest. "I need time." He said simply and his arms tightened around her once more. "I know we've spent a long time apart but…"

"You're scared to give too much."

"Yeah, I am….It hurt me more than I can put into words...you and me…"

Mac turned in his arms and reached out to press a hand against his cheek. It was rough from his five o'clock shadow and she found she liked that look on him too. "I just want to be with you." She brought his head down to hers and kissed him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Mac didn't want to wake up because she knew it would mean instant heartache. He was there now but that wouldn't last long. Today there would be goodbyes and tears followed by more sadness until he returned. Tomorrow she would open her eyes and find herself alone in bed, alone in this beautiful home without the man she gave up everything for. It was _her_ turn, she'd decided after spending too many years without him. The sacrifice was hers to make this time.

It would still hurt like hell, watching him go as it did during his first deployment when she told herself she was ready. Mac isn't and when the distance stretched, she could not reign it in any longer.

Her internal clock began to tick off the second and minutes until the Allegiance was set to leave port. And just as she was about to ready herself to face months without him, a warning blasted in the back of her mind. _Oh God_! He was late.

She sat up in bed and promptly shook Harm's shoulder vigorously in effort to get him to wake. "Harm! Wake up." He mumbled something incoherent that had Mac doubling her efforts. "You need to get up! _Now."_

A sleepy Harmon Rabb raised his head up but moved little else. "Why?"

"Why?! Harm, the carrier leaves in an hour. You're late!" She hopped out of bed and began searching for his uniform that he would have normally laid out neatly the night before.

"What are you doing?"

Mac threw her hands up in the air. "Looking for your uniform." She was in the closet now, grabbing one of his turtle necks and noticing that his seabag was still on a shelf and not in his car. "Harm!"

He'd come up from behind, grabbed her and not so gently deposited Mac on the bed. As his body covered hers his lips captured her own in a deep kiss that forced her to relax beneath him. "It was pretty damn amazing last night." He rolled them over so that she was on top, grinning when her head fell to his chest.

"It was." And a little desperate from her part. "I know this is hard but, you need to get going."

"No."

At that, her head snapped up. "No?"

"Nope. Not anymore." He frowned when Mac pushed away from him and sat up in bed. "I'm done, Sarah. _Out_ and I don't regret a damned thing."

No. He couldn't. He wouldn't. This was all he ever wanted and she wouldn't destroy that dream. "No. It was _my_ turn to give up the military. Why? How could you do that?"

Harm sat up and leaned against the headboard folding his arms across his chest. "Why does it have to be mine or your turn? I've been IN since I was 18. I've been to war, traveled the World. It's time."

"You'll resent me for it… It'll be like before and I can't go through that again...You have to go."

She was crying now and continued to do so when Harm pulled her back onto him. His fingers ran through the strands of her hair as he spoke softly in hopes she would understand. "I don't want to be at sea anymore, Mac I'm weary of it. Yeah, I love flying and I'll miss it. But, I love you more. It shouldn't be about me letting go or you letting go. You and me are good when we're together." He brushed her tears away and pressed a kiss above each eyebrow. "Neither of us should have walked away last time."

"Who are you? What happened to my jetjock, flyboy?"

"Oh, he's still alive and well, believe me….But, I'm also just a guy tryna show a girl that he's finally ready." His sheepish grin actually made her laugh. That sing song laugh of hers that charmed him from the moment he first heard it once their partnership settled in. It had been years but, he still enjoyed the sound, it was one of the things he missed about her. "Hey I'm not fully out. There are some options here that may even let you see me in my sexy flight suit." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and that also made her laugh.

"You _do_ look rather good in a flight suit." Mac's hand pressed against his chest and then moved down, lower and lower. HIs reaction was instant and just as quickly she was on her back again with Harm settled between her thighs.

Harm's hands took hers,raising them up to pine them over head and into the mattress. "I've been told I look rather good _out_ of my flight suit too."

"Ummm, not all of your outfits are overrated, Captain." Long legs wrapped around his waist and squeezed.

"There are a few things that are much more exciting than flying."

"Show me." And with that, his body came fully over hers and they were one.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Harm woke up to kisses being peppered over his cheeks, forehead, nose and finally over his lips. It made him snuggle up closer to the soft, warm body currently pressed against his. His mouth found hers, hungrily kissing Mac until she was breathless and sighing in contentment. He was a lucky man because moments like this were all but gone had he not taken a chance.

In the early morning it was colder in their little two-person tent which afforded him the right to keep Mac warm. They lay together side by side, one of his legs draped over hers. At first he figured they were a little old for camping but, once he brought the idea up to Mac, she readily agreed.

* * *

One afternoon he found her sitting in their shared office staring out the window. She's been doing that of late, two weeks to be exact and he'd instantly thought the worst. "You don't want to be here do you?"

"Whoa, what?" His insecurity had hurt her given she hadn't shown signs of wanting to leave. Harm just didn't know what to make of it, that little distance which had planted itself. He envisioned it spreading and, like Mac, couldn't take the pain of breaking up again. "What brought that on?"

"You haven't been too happy in the last few weeks." He was leaning against the door frame, arms folded across his chest and wearing his flight suit. Harm came home every day to a clean house, dinner on the table and with silly stories to tell. He would still fly jets from time to time but, as an instructor, his work brought him home every day. "You're bored with suburbia aren't you?"

Mac shrugged and heaved a sigh. She'd taken a stab at civilian law again and lasted a week before the mundane cases bored her to tears. Thoughts of child advocacy had been a possibility but it made her think about the miscarriage. "Honestly? I'm not cut out to be a housewife. I'm not sure where to go from here. As cliche as it sounds: It's not you, it's me."

"Yeah, I can't see myself ever retired either. I need something to do. Idle hands and all." He came up behind her, his hands massaging the tense muscles of her shoulders. Suddenly, his touch stopped. "You're not...you're not leaving me are you?"

"No!" At that Mac stood up from her chair and turned to him. He was standing with slumped shoulders and arms folded across his chest looking defeated. "Harm, no. No, I'm not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere." She pulled his arms apart, forcing them to wrap around her middle as Mac stepped into his embrace. "I love you. Very much."

"We loved each other before and still split up...You've been distant... Is it the house or my lack of commitment?"

She snorted at that. "Seriously? The house is beautiful. Any guy that goes to this much trouble for a girl doesn't have commitment issues. And I told you, I don't need a piece of paper between us. I just need you. You and me against the World. Butch and Sundance, remember?" Her arms snaked around his waist and Mac reasurredly gave him a squeeze.

"Yeah, I remember...Babe, I want you to be happy. You're not and I don't know what to do about it and that worries me."

She stared up at him with a grin. "Look at us talking like adults."

"I'm serious, Mac. I ain't gonna lose you again." His arms tightened around her.

* * *

So he'd come up with a plan that would take them on an adventure of sorts to fly Sarah cross country at their leisure. Her former airfield was sold and housing fees were through the roof. So, he found one closer to home and only an hour and a half drive from San Diego.

It would take some time so Harm mapped out various small airparks they could fly into and Mac chose hotels, sightseeing trips and yes, even their little camping trip. Her only request was no poachers and he had to laugh at that. "You know? Pops gave me the rundown about you the first time we went flying."

Harm's eyebrow shot up. "Oh?"

"May have thought I was your girlfriend and not so subtly hinted we'd spend the night in the woods." Oh how right he would be. "That's why I acted a little jealous. I wondered how many women you took flying and more."

"A couple but, the most exciting was you though. Most terrifying too. That morning, you scared the hell out of me. You were so pale."

"You never said anything."

"I was hoping you'd be okay. May have even prayed a little." Or a lot given it was his fault they were in the predicament of running away from poachers. "Not gonna lie. I wondered about you...us. How you'd look like out of those Marine greens. Here I hop out of my Vette and there you were with those tight pants, leaning against your car lookin' so damn sexy." It took a moment for his brain to function again and not mumble stupidity at her. So maybe his attraction to his new partner had him miss the split fuel line because he'd been showboating his knowledge of planes. He grinned at the thought.

"Well, since we're sharing truths, that flight jacket of yours...Damned hot, flyboy." She traced a finger down his chest suggestively and squealed when Harm suddenly rolled them so he was on top. "This was a good idea."

"Oh, I'm full of good ideas, Marine." His voice dropped down a tone to that sexy bedroom kind which still made her heart race. "We have a week left. I think, before going home, we should head up to the mountains and rent a small cabin."

"Get snowed in." At his nod Mac grinned. "And you claim you aren't romantic." She pulled him down, kissed him long and slowly. "We're gonna be okay this time, Harm. I promise. We'll figure out what's missing."

Harm's muscles tensed as she guided him into her and suddenly the cold tent grew a little warmer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Mac was in her element leading Harm past rocks and sand down a trail that seldom visited. "Can I bitch about how hot it is?" He asked and she just laughed and kept moving.

The hike took a little longer than she remembered but the fact that she was able to find the cave was a source of elation. "We're here."

"You're sure? They all look the same." He watched her walk to a stone wall and press her hand against it, standing still for very long moments with her eyes closed. "Mac?"

"Give me a minute." And he did but, when she turned to face him, Harm saw the tears and the frown. Yes, she did indeed find the cave where she would camp with her Uncle Matt in her youth. It was also the same spot he'd used to dry her out and turn a confused Sarah MacKenzie into the woman she was today. He stepped towards her, intending to comfort but instead Mac took his hand pressing the palm against the rock. "It's faded but it's still here."

Mac traced his fingers over what appeared to be initials. 'SM' and 'MO'. "Sarah MacKenzie. Matthew O'hara?" She nodded and then released his hand. "We did all we could." For years they had appealed, tried to shorten the sentence but, stealing the Declaration seemed to he a heftier crime than murder in the Marine Corp's eyes. Matthew O'hara was made an example of it was just that cut and dry.

"We did, I know. He knew what he was getting into. I just wish I could have seen him one more time." Her beloved Uncle Matt had died in Leavenworth eight years prior and Mac had vowed to make a pilgrimage out to Red Rock Mesa it just never happened until now. "Thank you for this." She came up to her toes and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. "You're a sneaky squid."

Harm flashed her his flyboy grin. "I am, aren't I?"

* * *

He was content to be bossed around by her the two days they spent in Red Rock Mesa. Mac told him where to lay their sleeping gear, where to start a fire and gave him the lowdown on how to search for the infamous ichnites. He followed her on the search for the dinosaur tracks, and remained silent as she told tales of how her Uncle Matt taught her how to survive in the desert. Sarah MacKenzie was a wealth of information that he'd never taken the time to learn and found the joy in doing it now. She was positively radiant

As the day turned to night and the temperatures began to plummet, they snuggled up together inside their sleeping bag made for two. The cave's ground wasn't the most comfortable of placed to sleep considering his back issues but, Harm would make do just to see that perfect smile on her face. "I'm so in love with you." She said against his neck and then pressed her lips there eventually trailing kisses to his mouth. "I keep wondering if I should have told you something sooner, been clearer."

"I wouldn't have listened." He admitted, stroking one finger down the length of her jawline. "I kept thinking about my career. In the end I never really wound up where I wanted to. Being an XO is the Navy equivalent of being a vice principal of a high school."

"You could have been _the_ JAG if you wanted to."

Harm shook his head. Chegwidden was grooming him for that, trying to remove the Peter Pan complex and keep his eye on the prize; it just wasn't what he wanted, not really. "I loved being in court. It was thrilling but, the few times I sat in that chair…"

"The politics…" She sighed, it was what Mac hated the most about heading Joint Legal Services Southwest, being chained to the desk signing document after document. Essentially being a babysitter between the staff and the bigwigs who seemed to never have a clue how military law worked. "At least being the liaison was fun. Some big movements came across my desk. I got to travel again...I missed the courtroom though."

"I missed you and me in the courtroom."

"Foreplay."

He raised his head up to look at her and grinned at the look on her face. "Foreplay?"

"Oh yes. I realized it one day. The verbal sparring was our form of foreplay. Heated. Engaging."

Harm snorted. "Frustrating." His hand slowly moved up and down her arm and then snaked lower down brushing lightly over Mac's jean clad hip. They were way too clothed for his liking but the desert wasn't exactly the best place on Earth for extracurricular activities. "So, I've always wondered… Under your Marine greens did you wear military issued skivvies or…"

"I'm a Marine, Harm. What do you think?" She glanced up at him and bust out laughing at the look of disappointment on his face. "Okay, I may have worn something lacy from time to time."

"You've crushed my fantasies of you in court, Colonel…. I love you anyway." He pulled her closer, pulling Mac so that her head lay on his chest. His back was protesting the extra weight on the hard ground but his heart was full and he was content. They remained silent for quite a while and he heard Mac sigh. "Have you decided what to do? I was thinking, with your knowledge, maybe you could teach?"

"Teach what exactly?"

Harm shrugged. He hadn't thought it that far through and although they were both good at law, Mac knew more than he did about firearms, kickboxing and several other methods of dismemberment. "Kickboxing? Firearm training? I'm sure there's something on base we could find so you're not stuck at home all of the time."

"I'll still have reservist duties but, it's the day to day stuff, you know?" And it was making her frustrated because for years all she could envision was being his wife, in their home with their kids. Once she realized they could never have children, that idea began to fade and it may have been a good thing. Being a housewife wasn't in her cards and she admired how seamlessly Harriet blended the two for years. Mac had spent too much time as an independent woman taking care of no one but herself. Which was why most of her past relationships had failed, the men in her life never saw her as an equal. They all expected her to leave the Corps and become a good little housewife keeping a polite two steps to the rear. That wasn't her.

"There are only so many times I can clean or read or take a Pilates class...I'm sorry, I sound so selfish." Mac frowned, hating herself for feeling the way she did. It wasn't fair that he'd given up his career when it was supposed to be her turn and now, she wasn't sure what to do. "I guess I just need to deal with my life being a little slower."

"Mac, if you want to go back. I'm sure that they'll take you in a heartbeat."

"It would mean moving back to Washington." She deadpanned and felt him stiffen beneath her. The arms that were once wrapped around her middle dropped and Harm shifted until he was sitting up. "I agreed to give it up, remember? I don't regret that choice. I don't regret the last few weeks with you. And I'm not gonna resent you for it, if that's what you're thinking. Home for me is wherever you are and I am not going back to Washington for a job… because, in the end, it's just a job."

"It was a job you loved though."

"I'll get over it."

Harm shook his head vehemently, he didn't want her 'getting over' something that made her happy. "We shouldn't have to choose."

"It's called sacrifice and it's the only way this is gonna work between us. I love you too damned much to go back to feeling how I did before we met again… I was empty most of the time. Even with Max something was missing… _You_ were missing." She came over him, straddling his lap and draping her arms across his shoulders. Mac held on tightly to Harm, her head dropping down to his shoulder until his arms wrapped around her again. "I love you.. I wish I could lie to you about the rest but, I can't. I won't. We were supposed to talk to each other this time, right? Communicate?."

"Right."

But, his look of apprehension didn't make it seem like he wanted to talk about anything much at all. Mac sighed heavily and loosed her hold. "Why do I feel like you don't want to talk about it? Ignoring things won't work. We did that once, remember?"

"Because I don't know how to fix it." He admitted and his arms that had already come around her, tightened so that Mac's body was flush against his. "I want you to be happy. I _need_ you to be happy."

She moved in his arms, raised his head so that he would look at her. Mac gave him a smile, the kind that was radiating and made his heart beat quicker in his chest - the kind that was a bit seductive and a lot charming. "I'm happy with you. Beyond happy. And I told you, you don't have to fix things. Trust that I won't break your heart again and I'm going to trust that you won't break mine. Deal?"

"Deal." Harm leaned in to kiss her and was a breath away when an odd howling of wind moved within the cave. It made them both look up and around, following the sound as if it were a living, breathing thing. The fire before them even flickered, danced a little more and as quickly as the sound entered, it all but disappeared and everything was eerily still. Mac looked at Harm, searching for an explanation. He merely chuckled. "And here I thought you were the only one with the metaphysical moments….I think Uncle Matt just paid us a visit."

"Uncle Matt." When she mentioned his name, the fire danced again, grew higher and then died back down. "I think there's your sign that everything will be alright this time."

"Yeah. I think so too… I love you, Sarah."

"I love you too, Harm."


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you for the reviews and keeping up with this saga. I hope we get a happily ever after on TV ASAP!!!

**Chapter 10**

"Thank you." Harm said when Mac slipped a hot mug of cocoa in his hand.

"You're welcome." She sat down and snuggled next to him on the small sofa just in front of the fireplace. Mac took a sip of the warm liquid and sighed in contentment. "This is perfect." And it really was. The perfect drink. The perfect getaway. The perfect man. Okay, maybe Harm wasn't perfect but, he was who she ever dreamed of being with and that was perfect enough.

It was later in the day, the sun beginning to dip down lower and lower into the horizon casting an ethereal glow inside the 'A' frame chalet Harm found on the Internet. The snowy pictures gave him ideas of he and Mac stuck inside their own private getaway on the edge of a mountain. The temperatures would likely plummet a little more that evening which meant Harm would have to keep Mac warm. Body heat worked wonders and it was a task he was more than up for - to keep her warm, happy and satisfied.

A week earlier they'd concluded the little cross-country jaunt, finally settling 'Sarah' into her new home at an airfield on the West Coast. They went home for a day, packed and were off again, driving North into the mountains.

As he stared into the flames, Harm wondered why they hadn't done this before especially given his parents would have helped with Mattie's care just so he and Mac could have some alone time. There had been so many missed opportunities to just be without any pretense and he frowned at the thought of losing so much time.

There were also the promises he made, the ones she made as well that were never fulfilled. He still wondered what went wrong nine years ago or during the five they were engaged. On the drive up he tried to make sense of it and vowed that the heartache of the past would be prevented this time. The woman sitting next to him meant too much to ever let her go again.

"Whatcha thinkin'?" Mac's soft voice cut through his thoughts as did her warm breath when she kissed his neck. Her fingers traced the bend in his ear and she pressed another kiss just behind his earlobe.

"Nothing, really." He lied and took a sip of his drink in effort to forget where his thoughts were taking him. He needed to forget the negative smears of the past. Harm was growing tired of his insecurities and that nagging feeling she would leave him. Mac swore she wouldn't and he needed to trust her - he needed to trust them. "Just enjoying this. Us. _You_." He turned his head and kissed her, grinning against Mac's lips that tasted of chocolate and something uniquely her. "You taste so sweet."

Her tongue swept over his lips and she savoured some of his own sweetness. It gave a new meaning to the term 'Chocolate kisses.' "Mmm...so do you...Sweet and a little spicy." She rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Thank you for this...All of this. I needed a vacation and it's been so wonderful...I forgot how much fun we have together." She'd even trusted Harm enough to fly in 'Sarah' again although at first Mac had vehemently refused.

It was nerve wracking as Harm first took off. Mac's shaking hands gripped to the fuselage although the pilot maintained the plane straight and true. He didn't do any aerial maneuvers until the second day when Mac specifically asked him to. She'd taken the stick, listened to his commands on how to properly fly the plane and found her trpedition eased immensely. She was also looking forward to flying lessons and eventually taking 'Sarah' up on her own.

One arm was draped over her and the pads of his fingers slipped under her soft sweater realizing something he'd noticed when he'd undressed her in the tent several days earlier. "You haven't worn your dog tags." In fact, he knew where they were - next to his ridiculously expensive watch in a jewelry box they more or less shared these days.

"No, I left them at home." And still attached to the ring Mac was deathly afraid of losing. Since they were going out of town for so long, it made sense to leave them behind in a safe place.

"Oh."

"It's your mom's ring, Harm. We've been traveling for two weeks. I don't want to risk losing it or someone stealing it."

He hated when she changed its ownership. No matter who came or went through his life, thsg ring was 100% hers. No one else had the right to wear it in his eyes. "It's your ring, Mac. Yours alone. I wouldn't have given it to anyone else."

Harm's tone of voice left no room for argument. She recalled the day they'd officially split up and how she'd placed the ring in the center of the small table of the kitchen. He wouldn't take it back and she figured, at some point she'd mail it to him. That time never came. "Max saw it once...Well, maybe more than once...He didn't really question it but, I know it bothered him….When I first moved into my office in Washington, I had a picture of us...the one we both have."

"Afghanistan?" At her nod he smiled. "I had it up in my apartment...still do." He needed to finish selling it and pack up whatever was left of his things once they got back home.

"I would talk to you...the picture you." She blushed at the admission and raised her head up to look at him. "I would tell you how may day went; ask you to help when I needed someone to bounce ideas off." It was almost a crazed obsession but it staved some of her loneliness for a time. "I missed you, so much. Missed working with you."

She recalled the day when the picture would no longer be displayed. Things with her boyfriend were getting serious and so she put her image into the top drawer of her filing cabinet. "I eventually put it away, the picture. I figured it would help me make it work with Max...It didn't…"

"You keep bringing him up…" Harm couldn't hold back that jealous tone, the little green monster which burned inside whenever any man got too close to her. "You loved him."

"Yes but, there's a difference between loving someone and being in love...I feel bad for everyone we've sucked into this thing because we were so stupid...I just hope he finds the right girl."

Harm nodded. "I understand. For a while I blamed our thing for Jordan's death...Why I couldn't commit to her...I couldn't see me spending forever with her. It was just for the moment...No one holds a candle to you, Mac. No one."

"We're quite a pair." Mac's hand came to her chest missing the feel of the tags she'd been so used to wearing. She frowned and pressed her fingers harder into the fabric of her sweater. "You've made me miss the dogtags. Isn't that silly? How we get attached to inanimate things."

"Well, let me fix that." Harm grabbed her mug placing it, along with his on the coffee table. He stood, offering a hand down to Mac in order to help her stand. "Come with me. I need to show you something."

"Do I need to grab my jacket?" She asked when he moved towards the glass doors that lead to the balcony.

"No. I'll keep you warm."

Mac shivered as she stepped outside more from the seductive tone of his voice than the chill in the air. "This is beautiful. You did good, flyboy." She rested her forearms on the wood railing overlooking the lake that seemed to be set ablaze by the light of the setting sun.

As promised, Harm kept her warm. He came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her middle. A soft press of his lips to her neck made her sigh happily. "Look at that sunset...Oh!"

Mac's view was partially obstructed by his hand which he held up to the waning sunlight. Pinched between his index finger and thumb was his mother's engagement ring which he'd surreptitiously taken off her dog tags and brought on this trip. "Oh. Harm."

"Marry me?" He asked with a voice so thick with emotion it made a tear slip from her eye. "For real this time, Mac...Hell, we can head down this mountain tomorrow, drive to a justice of the peace, Vegas, whatever it takes. Just please be my wife."

"I thought I couldn't cry over you anymore."

Harm stepped in front, using the pad of his thumb to brush away the tears. "Don't cry."

"Happy tears, flyboy." She raised her left hand up grinning as he slid the ring home and then kissed the finger where it sat. Harm raised her hand up admiring how the simple stone caught in the light. "I almost gave up on this ever happening with you."

"Not a chance...I just needed time. I'm an idiot like that." He wrapped his arms around her and ducked his head until he was a fraction away from kissing Mac. "So is that a yes?"

"Yes. Forever, yes." Once his lips claimed hers, Mac knew all she ever needed was in his arms.

Forever.

THE END.


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